Thursday, May 7, 2009

Buried Thoughts

So in chatting with a friend she mentioned hang ups that we don't talk about at parties.. little hurts from childhood that we carry with us throughout life. Maybe not things that we hold at the front of our mind; but pack way far back so as not to be discovered by ourselves or anyone else.

I wonder about my daughter's first day of school here in GA. She was so excited to go to school and make new friends. She had been very popular at our last school with many friends. It was a good Catholic school that expected a lot of it's students. They met and exceeded the challenge. We loved it. We expected the same from this Catholic school. We looked forward to her making new friends as well.

It's a small town. The bank is right by the school. We needed to open an account since we were new to the area. It just so happened that we arrived at the bank during recess. We didn't plan it that way, but once I realized that little pixie's class was on the playground I absolutely peeked. I saw her skipping around in a lot of commotion. No tears. Not sulking. Wonderful. I continued on with our errands.

Pixie was quiet pretty much the rest of the evening. At bedtime she needed an extra hug. It turns out the commotion was the kindergarteners. They were pretending to be scared of my daughter's whiteness. They were chasing her and then running from her calling her a monster. My daughter broke down sobbing. She said that a teacher yelled at her to leave the little kids alone. She just kept saying, "they were being mean to me!" But of course the teacher doesn't know my daughter. They don't know how sensitive she is and that she wouldn't actually speak to anyone for months.

I was reminded of being a child and putting on the strong front only to go home and cry to mom. Mom was safe. I had to be brave "out there." I came to the realization that my poor little pixie had just had that experience... without a friend in the school as an ally. Sadly, after that situation was resolved, we've continued to have others.

Some academic disappointments. Such as ignoring that Pixie is having problems in Math because she reads 3 grade levels ahead. Hmm... different skills folks! Many communication fiascos. Once when I arrived to drop off Pixie early for a scheduled field trip, they wouldn't let the kids in! It appears her teacher was running late so we had parents and students standing out in the rain! Thankfully, unlike other parents I didn't need to run off to work.

My husband and I agreed early on that we would provide our children with the best education we could afford. We agreed knowing that this would mean foregoing luxuries such as vacations, new seasonal wardrobes, evenings out. With the right school, this decision was worth every red scent. In the wrong situation, it's just throwing away money. We've decided that the best education money can buy is with a caring teacher that knows, understands and loves our children. Development of close friendships with other children that value core principles of kindness and respect. The most wonderful part of this is that these criteria are so readily available. I'm ready and waiting with a group of supportive homeschooling families to help us out. Now I'm just counting down the days to finish this school year and put this whole experience behind us.

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